


It's All Red Flags

by wonderlandiscrumbling



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Depression, Drug Addiction, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Illness, Self-Harm, Suicide mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-09-02 06:48:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 10,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16781767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderlandiscrumbling/pseuds/wonderlandiscrumbling
Summary: Oswald's noticed and pretended not to notice that Ed struggles with depression, it's not until they find Ed's body alongside Lee's at Cherry's that he realizes just how many red flags there had been.





	1. Anything For You

There were perhaps red flags in the past.

Ed’s easy grin as he looked at Oswald, so easily brushing off the fact that Butch Gilzean had very nearly murdered him earlier that night. The harsh bruises circling his neck like a rather morbid and painful looking necklace. Oswald had felt something when Ed brushed it off, his casualness when it came to the idea that he could have died, that he had been very willing to die, but just as Ed brushed off his near-death experience, Oswald brushed off the gut feeling something was wrong. Instead he hugged him, breathed in the scent of his cologne and shampoo, forced himself to remember a moment that was fleeting and yet meant the world to him.


	2. Why Didn't You Just Kill Me

The air was chilly, the clouds hung heavy and darkened in the sky, rain falling over them soaking through expensive suits and washing product out of hair. Oswald felt tired yet light, the bullets felt heavy in his hand, and there was a sickness in his gut as they stood in that place. The place where only a few weeks ago the man he was still very in love with had shot him, shoved him into icy waters that dragged him down and shoved him with the currents until he’d washed upon a shore with its broken beer bottles and trash. Now here they stood again, but it was different this time. His wrists were not bound together with black ropes from a sex shop, he was no longer screaming his proclamation of love while his throat burned in protest, body exhausted from the constant sobs and screams.

Ed no longer looked smug or even angry. Instead he trembled, wide brown eyes tear filled, bottom lip quivering as he stared down at his former friend, his supposed enemy. 

“Why didn’t you just kill me Oswald?”

The question jarred him, took him out of his former state of mind. Oswald swallowed hard, there was something in his voice, something terrifying and familiar. He recalled Ed curled up on the chase lounge with a blanket thrown over himself, staring off at nothing and not eating for days, how terrifying it had been to see him so depressed and vacant. He recalled their moment on the sofa, Ed’s easy grin as he said he would do anything for him, even die. Now here they stood, Ed’s voice desperate and begging, if he was crying the rain was doing a good job of washing the tears away. It was all red flags in the end, flags he refused to see. He took a deep steadying breath and pushed down the uneasy feeling, the chill down his spine that had little to do with the cold air and more to do with his old friend’s wish for death.


	3. We Found Him

“We found Nygma.” A gruff voice came across the phone.

For a moment Oswald felt a sense of relief.

“Where is he?”

There was a pause, the relief he felt just two seconds ago was now replaced by a deep worry, a knowing worry. “Is he alive?” 

“I’m sorry boss.”

Oswald closed his eyes as he leaned back in his chair. 

“How, can you tell how he died?”

His fingers trembled as he reached out to grab his glass, he brought it to his lips taking a long drink from it. 

“Stabbed, the Doc was stabbed too….Some kinda double murder.”

Oswald laughed, the sound startling him for a moment before he finished his drink slamming the empty glass down on his desk. 

“Of course…Take them to Strange, tell him to fix them.” He ended the call tossing his cell phone onto the desk.

He sat in the silence of his new office, well as silent as things could be this night. He heard the sounds of sirens, screams and gunshots in the distance, at this point it was all a dull white noise to him. Now he only was thinking about Ed and his relationship to Lee, pondering on the rather morbid idea that if Ed, if Riddler had planned from the beginning that it would end this way. He thought about Ed’s pleading in Arkham, how he really had seemed like he’d wanted help, wanted to get better, and now he was dead. 

He reached for the bottle unscrewing the cap and pouring himself another drink, his hands still trembled the slightest bit as he brought the glass to his chapped lips. He felt he should see the body, but the very thought of seeing Ed in such a state made him sick to his stomach. There was a stillness in the air, a change in the reality he used to know; he knew bringing the dead back to life wasn’t immensely complicated. Jerome had been brought back with jumper cables, Butch from the toxic swamp water, and Barbara came back via pool with mystical waters. Death wasn’t permanent, he wished he’d known that sooner.

Still though until Dr. Strange brought Ed back to life, he was indeed dead. It was an unsettling fact, a fear lingered in his mind that maybe too much time had passed since he’d been killed, and it’d be impossible to resurrect him. He even feared that perhaps bringing him back to life was a stupid selfish mistake of an idea, but he was a selfish man who made irrational decisions that stemmed from intense emotion. He couldn’t just let Ed be gone.


	4. Selfish

Oswald stood outside the bedroom door, ear pressed against the wood trying his best to hear what was happening inside the room. For the most part it had been absolute silence, he could only imagine Ed was sitting on the bed panicking or just pissed off at him. There was a fear settled in the pit of his stomach that Ed had hurt himself. Oswald tried to think through the items that were in the bedroom, he couldn't recall if there were knives or even medications. 

“Ed? Can’t we just talk about this…..If anything you should be grateful I didn’t just leave you to rot in that horrid bar.” He called through the door just hoping for a response of some sort.

He jumped when Ed opened the door taking a step back and looking to see his friend standing there glaring down at him. His suit was rumpled, hair far too long in Oswald’s opinion and seemingly darker than he remembered it used to be, but he felt right now wasn’t a good time to ask him if he’d dyed it or how he would have even had the means to do so.

“Gee thank you Oswald for ruining my relationship and then bringing me back from the dead when I didn’t ask you to do that.” He stated bitterly, a forced smile thinning out his lips.

“Okay, first of all that was not a relationship. Do you actually believe that woman loved you or even cared about you, she was just using you.”

Ed stood silently continuing to stare down at him, Oswald felt a growing frustration with his lack of talking and his lack of being mad or grateful. Deep down he knew gratitude was the last thing Ed was going to show.

“I’m going to find some place else to stay.” He said as he shoved past the older man.

Oswald followed after him. “And exactly where would that be, half the city has been burned to the ground ever since the bridges were taken out, there aren’t exactly any motels open anymore.”

“Well according to you everybody has their own territory set up, so I’ll get my own, or just see if Cherry’s is still standing.”

Once they reached the bottom of the stairs Oswald grabbed him by the arm pulling him back. Ed tensed then jerked away before turning to face him.

“Ed….Please just, it’s safer for you if you stay here. Besides Dr. Strange said he wants you here just in case….Just in case there are any issues.”

“So we take medical advice from the guy who physically tortured you now.”

Oswald looked away quiet for a moment. He knew it was stupid, he knew the last person he should listen to was the man who treated humans like toys, the man who made him see things that still haunted him. These were desperate times though and the thought of Ed just being gone had scared him far too much.

“I didn’t have a choice.” He replied softly, his voice nearly timid as he continued to look towards the floor.

“You had a choice, you’re just too selfish to let things be.”

This time when Ed turned to leave Oswald didn’t stop him or follow after him. He flinched when he heard the door slam shut. There was an aching in his chest and he knew that Ed was right; he was selfish, there was no selfless reason that he had Ed brought back from the dead. He loved him despite their past discretions, he didn’t know how to exist without Ed in his life even if that meant as an enemy.


	5. New Companion

There had always been red flags, now there was red in the form of big bloody question marks painted all over the walls of a night club. Oswald swallowed hard, he tightened his grip on the handle of his cane, he glanced down at the bodies. The body of a middle aged man was laid across the bar top, head turned to the side and throat slashed wide open, his eyes bulged and tongue lolled out of his mouth; it appeared he died screaming. The other was the body of a man closer to Oswald’s age, somewhere in his early thirties, he sat slumped on the floor behind the bar, eyes blank and bullet hole between his eyes. 

“Are there perhaps any surviving witnesses?” Oswald asked.

“No boss, I think it was just these guys. Nobody else says they saw Nygma around.”

He sighed. He supposed that was good, if there were no witnesses then that meant no good citizens who might contact what was left of the cops and try to report Ed’s crime. 

“Search the area, see if you can find him anywhere….I’m going to look around here.”

“Yes boss.” 

His goons left, guns holstered knowing their boss didn’t even like the thought they would consider harming Ed beyond reason.

Once they were out the door Oswald began searching the bar; the building was small, quant in a ghetto sort of way. He checked the register and found the money was missing, same with the lock box under the counter, its lock broken off. A robbery wasn’t out of Ed’s range, but the brutal murder and the rather new age art left on the wall was a little excessive. A chill ran down his spine when he remembered the things Ed had done to him, the mental torment and the fighting all before shooting him. This was making him think of that, but there was no clear motive or victim in mind. These men weren’t on Oswald’s territory, he’d never seen them before in his life, they certainly held no importance financial or otherwise to Penguin.

There was no reason to get this excessive. 

Clattering from the back of the building drew his attention. Slowly he made his way down the short hall towards a door at the back, he heard more clattering followed by scratching at the door. He placed a hand on the door knob slowly turning it. He jerked the door open expecting to find another victim or perhaps a survivor.

Instead he was greeted by a now yapping bulldog puppy that immediately rushed to him. The dog stood on hindlegs the best it could, front paws pressed against Oswald’s legs as it stared up at him wagging its nub of a tail. Oswald looked into the office, it was completely empty; he assessed that the dog probably belonged to one of the now dead gentlemen, they probably kept it shut up in the office during hours of operation. 

“Poor thing, how long have you been locked in there?” Oswald asked, tone gentle and mothering. He leaned his cane against the wall before crouching down to pick the puppy up. It eagerly began trying to lick at his face, wriggling in his arms as he held the dog against his chest. 

He carefully cradled the dog in one arm, retrieved his cane and made his way out of the bar and back into the smoke-filled air of the city. 

“I suppose I could always use a companion, and this is certainly not a place for a puppy to be alone.”

The dog nuzzled against his chest, short claws digging against a jacket that cost more than an animal was capable of even beginning to understand. He smiled looking down at it, remembered how badly he’d wanted a dog when he was a kid, but they hadn’t had the space or the financial means to care for a puppy.

Oswald made his way to the waiting car getting in the back of it, the driver glanced at him taking note of the dog but said nothing. Oswald let the puppy settle on his lap watching as it quickly fell asleep, he pet its head and back humming to himself as the car made its way through the desolate hell that was the city.


	6. You Don't Remember

Oswald stood before the dingy sofa that was situated next to a dumpster in an alleyway. The sofa being the place that Ed was currently sleeping rather soundly. His shaggy nearly black hair hung over his face, glasses long gone, his clothes disheveled and stained with blood, his curled up position on the small grungy sofa looked far from comfortable with one leg hanging off onto the ground. Oswald took note one shoe was missing and he had no socks. His mouth was open, drool pooling on the filthy sofa’s cushion. Oswald was relieved to find him, to find him alive especially, but there was an agitation with the situation in itself. With the fact that he was the reason Ed was even on this sofa. He should by all accounts be buried six feet under, Oswald even would have had him buried in his family’s plot, would have done his best to have a decent funeral.

“Ed….Ed get up.” He poked his friend with the end of his cane pressing the metal against his shoulder firmly.

Ed groaned, he smacked at the cane and attempted to curl further into himself but to no avail.

“Edward this isn’t exactly the time or place I wish to deal with….Whatever this is.” He said gesturing towards his friend.

He heard gunshots in the distance followed by a cut off scream, chanting, more shots. He sighed before reaching down and grabbing the other man by the collar of his shirt and roughly pulling him from the sofa and onto the concrete. Ed groaned, he continued laying face down on the ground for a second before slowly pulling himself into a sitting position. He stared up at Oswald, eyes squinted as he struggled to see him without his contacts or glasses. 

“Oswald?”

“Get in the car.”

Ed rubbed at his eyes with the back of his hands. “I moved out.” He muttered, the statement sounding somewhat unsure as if he didn’t fully recall moving out or not.

“Yes, and now I’m saying you’re coming back home, now get in the car.”

“Just because you had a barely legitimate doctor bring me back doesn’t mean you can tell me what to do, unless that’s the reason you had me brought back.” Ed spat bitterly at him as he carefully got to his feet. He looked down towards the ground brow furrowing before looking back at Oswald. “Where’s my shoe?”

Oswald grabbed hold of his wrist his grip firm as he pulled him forward. “That’s it we’re going home, if you haven’t noticed we’re having a minor apocalyptic situation and this is the last place I want to have this argument with you.” He chastised as he dragged his companion along down the alley and towards the large black armored car that waited for them.

Ed opened his mouth to argue, he gave a half attempt at pulling from Oswald’s tightened grasp but then stopped once a shrill scream was heard too close for comfort followed by manic laughter. Ed hurried his pace silent as he got into the back of the car with Oswald, he closed and locked the door, gaze forward. Even Oswald felt a slight sense of unease and discomfort, the laughter still rang in the air, it reminded him of hyenas and how their cries and screams resembled the laughter of complete lunatics. He often wondered if Valeska’s girlfriend and their goons were really laughing or in pain.

“When we get home you’re taking a bath and if you could please just cut your hair.”

“I like it.” Ed mumbled.

Oswald looked at him, “It’s not you.”

His friend scoffed glaring at him. “You don’t know me, you always say that you know me.” He closed his eyes taking a deep breath. “You don’t know me and I like my hair like this and stop calling that place home it isn’t….It isn’t home.”

He regarded Ed for a moment, wanted to ask him to clarify if his new base of operation wasn’t to be considered their home or just Ed’s home, but clarification would lead to false hope or further heart break. 

Either way he was relieved when they pulled up to the large looming building with its tall fences topped with barbed wire to keep out most unwelcome visitors. Oswald felt like they were all children playing a game of tag, sometimes it seemed that way, that they were kids playing these pitiful games taking things for themselves and marking their miniature territories with flags and graffiti on walls and signs.

Ed was the first out of the car the moment it came to a stop, Oswald followed a moment later deciding he should perhaps give Ed some space instead of crowding him. He felt if he tried speaking further to him it would just lead to further fighting, it was the last thing he had the energy for at this time. Ed had been missing for a week and in that time there had been a slew of rather uncharacteristically brutal homicides, missing money, missing medical equipment. He was thankful that Ed had hit places that weren’t claimed, the last thing he needed was Scarecrow or Barbara or especially that wretched clown knocking on his door.

Still he knew he’d need to discuss this with Ed, ask him where the money and medical equipment was, ask him what in the Hell he was thinking with his crimes and the glaring clues he left in blood on the walls or in the form of question marks carved into victims skin. 

He made his way into the living room where the bulldog puppy lay peacefully sleeping on its large black satin dog bed, perhaps a little overboard spoiling a dog with expensive beds and more expensive collars, but was the point of loving something or somebody if you couldn’t spoil them. The dog woke when it heard the uneven steps of its master, tag wagging as it stretched, yawned then made its way over to him. 

Oswald took a seat on the couch, he patted his legs softly calling the dog’s name. “C’mere Edward.” The dog pressed its front paws against his legs, he picked it up setting it on his lap. 

Perhaps it was odd to name his dog after his friend who currently despised him, which seemed to be rather normal, but it seemed fitting.

“At least I can spoil you and dote on you.” He said as he pet the dog’s head.

He sat for awhile in the silence, he felt the slightest bit calmer now that he was home, now that he knew where Ed was for now at least. 

“You have a dog now?”

He looked to see Ed entering the room, clothes changed, but hair still dark and hanging just past his chin except wet and curling at the ends now. Oswald felt the slight urge to want to touch his hair, curl a strand of it around his index finger. He blushed, turned away from his friend and turned his attention to the puppy on his lap. 

“Found him locked in the office of a bar a few days ago.”

Ed hummed as he approached the couch taking a seat next to his friend, he reached over petting the puppy’s head as it curiously sniffed his hand. Ed smiled softly as he allowed the dog to sniff his hand before resuming petting its head. “I always wanted a dog.” He commented.

“Well now we have one.”

Ed looked at him but said nothing, there was a softness in his eyes for a moment, but as soon as it came it was gone and Oswald decided to change topics. “Ed do you….Not that I’m trying to control you like you presume that I am, but…..What the Hell was with those murders?” 

His friend looked rather confused as he stared at him. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m not mad, but even for your dramatic excessiveness they seemed….Excessive.”

“Oswald I don’t know what you’re talking about…I-I left here the other day and I….” he trailed off looking away, he nervously fidgeted with his fingers picking at his skin with blunt nails. 

Oswald reached over placing a hand over his. “Okay, do you remember anything?”

Ed shook his head, eyes downcast. He could tell that his friend was panicking, wanting to panic, but desperately hiding it. Oswald gently stroked his thumb across his hand touching the small crescent moon shaped cuts from where Ed hurt himself with his own nails. 

“Perhaps we can discuss this later then.”

“What did I do, just tell me.”

“First there was a double homicide in a bar, money missing, and question marks on the wall painted in blood….After that a gas station, similar situation, and then a small lab a bit too close to Scarecrow’s territory, some medical supplies and equipment was missing and there, there were question marks cut into the victims skin.”

Ed remained silent, the fear in his eyes was evident. The pup made its way to Ed’s lap sensing his unease.

“I remember you waking me up, that’s it.” Ed eventually commented as he resumed petting the dog’s head and back.

“I can contact Dr. Strange and have him come over, he can see if there’s anything wrong.” 

Ed closed his eyes. “Don’t. I don’t….I don’t want looked over by that lunatic.”

“We need to know if something’s wrong.”

“This, none of this would be happening if you’d just let me stay dead. I was….I was happy when I was dead Oswald, I felt nothing, I wasn’t in this….It was peaceful and then I come back and its headaches and panic attacks and our city is being turned to literal Hell on Earth…..I can’t do this, I didn’t want this.”

“Ed I-“

“No, whatever is happening to me right now is your fault. You couldn’t just let me be happy, not like it’s the first time.” 

He got up from the couch, the puppy cradled in his arms as he stormed out of the room. 

“That’s my dog you know!” Oswald yelled after him.

“Our dog, remember?” Ed called back as he left the room.

Oswald leaned back against the couch covering his face with his hands holding back the urge to incoherently scream and break something. 

Ed was right. He knew he was right.


	7. It's Not That Bad

“You can’t tell me that sleeping on that couch is even remotely comfortable.” Oswald commented as he entered the large library.

Ed groaned as he slowly moved into a sitting position, he rubbed at the back of his neck wincing at the pain he surely felt in his back. 

“It isn’t too terrible, I spent a weak sleeping on my own couch after I found you in the woods.” He said as he picked his glasses up from the table placing them onto the bridge of his nose. 

“At least until you decided to reclaim your bed with me still in it, can’t say I was overly fond of waking up at two in the morning with you practically on top of me drooling.” He said glaring at his friend, yet a small nostalgic smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

Ed looked up at him then looked away possibly feeling the same comforting nostalgia in memories, memories before dead girlfriends and dug up graves. 

“I don’t drool.”

“You do, you were drooling when I found you in the alleyway the other day….Speaking of the matter you realize there is a guest bedroom upstairs, Hell you could even have my room.”

He had been pleased when Ed decided to move in but confused when the other man decided his new place of residence would be the couch in the library. He felt it was some sort of petty rebellion on Ed’s part, living with him but living as uncomfortably as possible to spite him.

“I’m only here until….Whatever the Hell all this is blows over.” 

Oswald sighed, he made his way towards the couch, his limp not quite as severe with the brace he wore in recent months. He took a seat next to his friend. “Ed, what’s happening has been happening for a month now….It’s not going to blow over.”

Ed nervously fidgeted with his fingers as he stared down at the floor. “It didn’t really take long for everybody to go completely insane, I doubt it even took you a week to become leader again.” 

“Only about seven days, I learned quickly that in case of a mild apocalypse people really love high powered rifles and food supplies.” He smiled proud of his accomplishments, he was one who always did well in the bleakest and most chaotic of situations.

“I always admired that about you…I-I’ve never been able to do that, I tried, but…” Ed sighed heavily, silence fell over them again and he wished his friend would just talk to him.

He felt there were things about Ed he didn’t know either because he chose to ignore those things or because Ed hid them and hid them well. He despised himself the slightest bit for never looking closer, not noticing tell tale signs like the small cuts on his hands, his nervous ticks, the way Ed would flinch when he’d yell, how quiet he got around angry men. There were signs and clues, Oswald was gifted at reading people, but he never took the time to read Ed. He saw what he wanted to see in him and nothing beyond that. He stared at him now, watched him picking at his nails, hair falling over his face and the way he would twitch as if uncomfortable or nervous. He knew under his white dress shirt there was a scar, multiple ones, but only one really mattered because only one of them was the everlasting sign that this man had been dead not too long ago.

“Ed….If….If you’re interested then you’re always more than welcome to work with me, we both know that we always do best together.” Oswald offered.

Ed looked over at him, stared at him as if trying to decipher this as an offer of pity or expectations of something more. “I don’t think it’d be a good idea, not right now….I actually have some matters I need to attend to today.”

“Oh.” He felt his heart sink, he felt foolish for caring that Ed didn’t want to work with him again. “Anything I can help with?”

He watched as his friend got up from the couch stretching. “No, I promise I’m more than capable of looking after myself.”

Oswald bit back the urge to comment, he didn’t need another fight or another reason for Ed to just up and leave.

“Call me if you need help.” He offered instead.

Ed gave a small forced smile before retrieving his garish green jacket and leaving the room. 

Oswald contemplated having one of his men follow him, but he knew Ed would notice and that would lead them back into another fight or further their sea of trust issues. Still he worried without even knowing who he should worry for. He had worries that the wrong person could set their sights on Ed and he worried Ed could go off and kill more people like he’d done before but ever since moving back in he seemed fine. Well as fine as he’d been ever since being brought back.

Still he barely ate and mostly kept to himself, their conversations short and occasionally turning into yelling matches. Oswald smiled to himself knowing perhaps it was normal to fight, considering the circumstances of the city and their shared history, but he did wish to reach a resolution….Find a way for Ed to feel happy in his life, to be happy with him.


	8. Lurking Lunatics

Lucius tensed as he approached his apartment noticing that the door stood slightly ajar. He reached for the gun holstered on his hip, closed his eyes and did his best to remember everything Gordon had told him about using the damn thing. He wasn’t a fan of guns, but considering the sanctions of villains and gangs running rampant in the city they had all agreed it would be best if he had one for that just in case. He kept a firm grip on the gun as he pulled it out, his breathing was heavier as he slowly pushed the door open the rest of the way stepping into his darkened apartment. The only source of light coming from the lamp that sat upon the stand next to his couch. 

His steps were slow and light as he entered his apartment, a place that on a normal day felt like a relaxing safe haven, but in this moment felt like a strange space filled with lurking dangers. He caught a sudden movement in his peripheral vision, he turned to face the form, gun aimed at the intruder.

“Please don’t shoot.” 

Lucius furrowed his brow, he kept the gun trained on the figure that stood near his couch. He inched towards the light switch by the front door flipping it on, the ceiling light seeming to wash away all paranoia and monsters that lurked mostly in his imagination. The light revealed Ed standing by his couch, hands raised in the air, a panicked confused look on his face as he stared at the other man.

“Ed, what are you doing in my apartment?” He asked as he re-holstered his gun. 

Ed lowered his arms back to his sides seeming to relax now that there was no longer a gun aimed at him. “Better question is when did you start carrying a gun?” He asked as he took a seat on the couch.

“Gordon suggested I carry one just in case a dangerous lunatic ever accosted me.” He said watching as Ed propped his feet up on his coffee table seeming to make himself rather comfortable in a home that was not his.

He did notice that Ed still seemed jittery, his entire appearance was a far cry from his normal look. His hair was much longer, no longer styled back, it hung down mostly over his face, his glasses were at the tip of his nose teetering on the edge of falling off completely. He looked disheveled, lost, and worried.

Ed smiled as he pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. “Good idea, there’s a lot of lunatics running around.”

Lucius seated himself on the chair that sat opposite of the couch. “Do you mind informing me as to why you’re here and how you got in?”

“Crowbar and I’m here because I need help.”

“Help with what?”

Ed raked his fingers back through his hair pushing it away from his face only for it to fall back into place a moment later. “I….I keep having black outs. I murdered a handful of people and robbed them, I swear to you I don’t remember doing it. I only know about it because Oswald told me, he’d found the bodies….Now it’s, now I’m just waking up in random places like dumpsters and on the docks. I don’t know what’s happening to me, I thought….I thought it was Riddler, but it isn’t him.” He paused, began chewing at his thumb nail nervously as he furrowed his brow staring down at the ground.

He was a bundle of nervous energy, ready to burst into a fit of crying or maybe just screaming. Lucius felt for him, it was strange feeling bad for a man who killed well over a dozen people, but he knew Ed wasn’t always this way. Five years ago he was actually a lot like him.

“Does Penguin know you’re here?”

Ed looked at him as if the question was moronic. “Of course not, he isn’t exactly fond of the people in the green zone.” 

Lucius nodded in understanding. He knew Oswald wanted the green zone as his own, mark it with flags bearing his own image, tax them, and sell them weapons and food at a ridiculously high price. He’d been sending goons and coming around himself for weeks trying to wear Gordon and the rest of them down, determined things would be better if they just submitted to his rule. He knew Ed being here was a bad idea in many ways.

“Why do you think I’d be able to help you?”

Ed fidgeted with his fingers, “You offered to help me before…I was thinking, I was thinking that perhaps you could help me. There’s still an infirmary set up in city hall, Dr. Strange’s medical supplies are all still there….I was thinking that you could perform a physical….Just something. Please.” 

He continued to regard the other man, the pleading scared look in his wide brown eyes. He knew he should turn him away, there was an urge to tell him that he had to leave, that he couldn’t be here. If Bullock or Gordon saw him here they would detain him. He knew leaving the green zone with Nygma, going to the outer limits to try and assist him was a mad idea. He doubted Penguin would be happy to see him in not just his territory but his new home, one of the three that he owned.

“Fine, but I can’t promise you anything. I don’t know if I’ll be able to find what’s going on or even if I can treat you if I manage to find the cause.”

Ed nodded in understanding, “Of course, I just….Just the fact that you’re willing to even try to help me means a lot, it really does.” He said as he got up from the couch giving a rather sad attempt at straightening his wrinkled and disheveled clothes. 

There was a settled anxiety in his stomach as he got up from his own seat, he mentally counted all the ways this could go wrong. His doubts and thoughts were halted when Ed wrapped his arms around his waist hugging him tightly, face buried against the side of his neck.

“Thank you.” He whispered before slowly pulling back.

For a moment he remembered that Ed once upon a time was a lot like him.


	9. Trust Goes Two Ways

There was a drastic difference leaving the green zone, Haven as they had come to know it and entering the outlands. The territory overrun with Arkham patients and Blackgate prisoners, fortresses that once upon a time had been zoos, stores, schools, and apartment complexes now turned into home bases for various villains and their armies and followers. Lucius felt an unease as he drove through the city, he recognized restaurants he often used to go to after a long day of work but now they were darkened and tagged with graffiti. He glanced over at Ed, his companion simply gazed over the chaos that filled the streets as if this were normal, expected even.

“Can I ask you something?” Ed asked glancing at him.

“Of course.”

“Have….Have you seen Lee around?” The question was quiet, full of hesitation.

Lucius was still rather unclear on what transpired between them. He knew Lee had taken up residence in the Narrows, she’d struck up a sort of partnership with Nygma, but beyond that he knew very little.

“Not much. She has an apartment in Haven, she helps look after a lot of the residents there, but she doesn’t exactly talk much to us….What happened with you guys?”

Ed shifted uncomfortably in his seat, he pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose only for them to slip down again. 

“We had….I did what I always do.” He said laughing, the sound bitter and harsh.

Lucius could sense his discomfort, it was easy for him to guess what his statement meant.

“She didn’t want to leave, maybe I didn’t want to leave either….I think….I think what’s happening now is what we all probably deserve.” He paused again before bursting into a fit of laughter. “Christ sake we’ve been disowned by the American government, we’re practically our own secluded country. This is our Hell, it doesn’t matter if you’re a good person or not….We’re all here, it’s where we belong.”

Lucius pulled up to the curb outside the towering gates that kept outsiders from City Hall, he put the car into park and turned to face Ed.

“We all need to help each other, this….This isn’t helping.” He said nodding towards what used to be a building meant for laws but now was ruled by a kingpin.

Ed smiled, a dazed far off look in his eyes. “I’m sure Jim is fine with it, probably hoping we’ll kill each other, ourselves, and then the good guys can have the city back.”

Lucius let out a heavy sigh. “I don’t know what happened to you or Lee, but I need you to be honest with me about anything you remember. I also need you to tell me if Penguin’s men are going to shoot me the second I get out of the car.”

“They won’t, I promise.” Ed said before getting out of the car, Lucius following a moment later.

He allowed Ed to lead the way, they didn’t go through the front gates instead they went around towards the back where a hole had been cut into the wired fence. Lucius watched as the other man lowered himself onto the ground crawling through the hole, getting to his feet once he was on the other side and looking expectantly at Lucius to follow. Lucius lowered himself onto the ground and crawled through the hole to join the other man.

“Did you make this hole?” He asked looking back at it noticing how the metal looked worn.

“I made it bigger, Edward was the one who started chewing through it.”

Lucius furrowed his brow as he looked up at him confused by his statement. “Edward?”

“Oh that’s um that’s Oswald’s dog’s name….I can’t say that I’m exactly fond of him giving the dog my name, but he’s a very sweet dog.” 

“Ah got it.”

He still questioned whatever the relationship between the two men was. He remembered Ed’s severe distress that night two years ago, how manic and on the verge of a panic attack he’d been. There was remorse and guilt in his voice, in his body language; he’d tried to kill Penguin because he’d felt it had to be done. Then in turn Penguin froze him as if it were the natural order of things. Now here they were.

Lucius followed closely behind as they approached the building. They entered through double glass doors that lead into what was now a backyard. One wouldn’t recognize it as city hall now; it was mostly a home with the addition of two offices and a weaponry. Lucius noticed large white boxes set against a wall all of them marked with ‘Wayne’ on the front of them.

“You realize we need those supplies in Haven, right?” He asked gesturing towards the boxes.

Ed looked over them as if he hadn’t really noticed them before. He shrugged. “You can always buy them, Oswald can be somewhat reasonable with the pricing.” He said as he began walking again.

He fought the urge to argue with him, argue that they shouldn’t have to purchase food and medical supplies from Penguin. There were elders and children who needed medication, who were still in need of medical attention that the handful of doctors left couldn’t properly provide. He knew though that Penguin found himself a new form of business and Ed seemed rather out of the loop on it, it didn’t do good to argue him or plead with him. Instead he continued to follow him down the long halls until they reached a room towards the back of the building. 

The room was admittedly impressive, it looked like a cross between a hospital and a science lab, he expected nothing else from Hugo Strange if he were to be honest.

“I usually hate this room, but I feel more secure with you here and not Strange.” Ed commented as he explored the room as if he weren’t entirely used to seeing it.

“I’m glad that you feel safe with me.”

Ed smiled at him, “It’s hard not to, you did try to help me.” 

He wished he’d done more, done more and much sooner.

“Now before we start I need you to tell me what happened.”

“Okay, well….We stabbed each other, we both died or I died at least….I think she did, I remember that sound….That death rattle. Next thing I know I was waking up in here, hooked up to an IV and a heart monitor. Oswald was there, sitting by the bed…..I don’t remember anything else, nothing helpful at least.”

Lucius remembered Dr. Strange’s experiments; he’d seen the case files, seen the ones who didn’t survive like Bridgit, Victor, Fish, or Basil. He had strong doubts that Hugo would bring a person back without doing some sort of experimentation.

“I’ll perform a basic physical, I doubt I’ll find anything…..Has Dr. Strange been around since he brought you back?”

“A couple of times, not to see me, but to talk to Oswald about some things.” 

“You do fully realize I might not find anything, if this is psychological I can’t do a quick fix.” 

He needed him to understand he couldn’t cure him if this was something wrong with his mind. If things were different then he would suggest a proper psychologist, he’d even take him to the appointments.

“I know, trust me I won’t be upset with you if you can’t find anything out of the usual.”

He knew as long as he were honest with Ed then this would go alright, Ed’s temper often seemed triggered by dishonesty and being kept in the dark on matters especially if those matters were involving him in some way. A small part of him wished he could take him to Haven, convince Jim that it would be perfectly okay to have him there with the rest of them, but he knew it was a risk and that out of loyalty Ed would never leave this place.


	10. Unwelcome Visitor

Oswald winced with each uneven step that he took. Not only did his leg hurt but so did his ribs and his back as well, he fought back the urge to begin throwing things as he made his way to the makeshift infirmary in the building. He doubted Strange would be there, the man was often doing God knows what until he was summoned, though on occasion he could be found in City Hall, hiding away working on projects Oswald often found himself concerned about. Even if he didn’t want to admit it, Ed was right about him, and a part of him still did fear the bastard.

Upon entering the room he found it wasn’t empty nor vacated by Hugo Strange. Instead he found Ed sitting upon the examination table in his undershirt and boxers, Lucius Fox standing before him wearing latex gloves and looking him over. Oswald tensed looking at them, some strange twinge of jealousy as he watched Lucius lean in close to Ed, his fingers gently running over his jaw down to his chin tilting his head back to better look at him. He slammed the door behind him the sound causing Ed to jump and for Lucius to look back towards him, a worried look on his face.

Oswald forced a smile as he made his way to the pair of them. “Ed, would you mind explaining to me what in the Hell is going on?” 

Ed swallowed hard, he got down from the table. “Well I-I went to….I went to Haven and-“

Oswald held a hand up, Ed halted speaking. “If you try to tell me that he’s your hostage I might actually have to shoot both of you.” 

Ed closed his mouth, he looked away as he nervously scratched at the back of his neck. Lucius stepped in front of him looking more composted than Oswald felt he should.

“Ed broke into my apartment, he asked me to come examine him. I assume you know he’s been having black outs, he’s concerned Hugo Strange may have done something to him while resurrecting him.” Lucius explained calmly.

Oswald looked over his shoulder to see Ed still looking down at the floor, still in his boxers and undershirt looking like a scolded child.

“That seems rather charitable of you.”

“He’s my friend.” Ed meekly interjected.

Oswald scoffed, “If you haven’t noticed lately Ed people from Haven aren’t exactly our friends and last I checked you work for the GCPD. How do I know you have no ulterior motives?”

Lucius sighed, “Trust me I have no weapons, I’m not a spy, I’m just helping a friend. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to find much.” He said turning to face Ed.

Ed looked crestfallen as he looked at the other man. “I figured that would be the case….Thanks anyway Foxy, I appreciate you trying.” He said smiling sadly before wrapping his arms around the other man hugging him tightly. Lucius visibly tensed for a moment before wrapping an arm around Ed rubbing his back.

Oswald felt that jealousy again the same he’d felt when he’d seen Ed with Lee, when he’d seen Ed with Isabella. 

“Well since you didn’t find anything wrong then I suppose that means you can leave now and please don’t consider coming back.”

Ed stepped forward placing a hand on Lucius’ shoulder. “He didn’t do anything wrong, he’s at least trying to help me.”

“If it wasn’t for me you’d still be….” He stopped himself from finishing that statement.

He couldn’t lord this over Ed, being alive, being in the city they grew up in especially now when it was war torn like this…This was not what Ed wanted or needed.

Ed smiled at his silence, the sudden awkwardness that hung heavily in the air. “I’m going to get dressed then take Lucius back home.”

Oswald nodded, “Just make sure you come home before dark.” He said before resuming what he’d originally come into the room to do in the first place.

He busied himself with gathering first aid supplies for himself while Ed dressed then eventually left with Lucius close behind him. Once alone in the room he closed his eyes leaning his forehead against the wall. He didn’t know what he’d expected when Ed came back to life, but none of this was it.


	11. One Fleeting Moment

They sat together in Lucius’ car in silence. Ed stared down at his hands which were folded in his lap, he’d been quiet ever since they left City Hall. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t do more for you, I wish I could help.”

Ed shook his head, he looked over at him. “No don’t, you, you did more than enough.” He smiled, “I didn’t even have to kidnap you to get you to help me.” He sighed as he leaned his head back against the headrest. “I was really hoping there was some big reason for the blackouts, some insane conspiracy behind it….But it turns out I’m insane….Just insane Ed Nygma who kills every man and woman he loves.” His smile was sad, for a moment he appeared vulnerable.

“There’s always other forms of help, I offered before….Perhaps this time you’re ready.” 

Ed looked over at him, a far off look in his eyes as he stared at him. He reached out placing a hand against Lucius’ cheek, his fingers lightly stroking against the stubble that ran along his jaw. “I wish I had known you a long time ago…” He unbuckled his seatbelt before turning and leaning over pressing his lips to Lucius’s kissing him gently.

The kiss caught him by surprise, the soft gentleness of chapped lips, the slight trembling of Ed’s fingertips as they lovingly caressed his cheek. For just one fleeting second he kissed back, chased his lips with his own when Ed began to pull back. For one delusional second he pictured a different time, a time where he could have helped, where they could have just been two men having a goodnight kiss at the end of a date. 

Just a fleeting moment of normalcy.


	12. Content In Hell

“Ed it’s been two days, you can’t stay in bed forever.” Oswald gently chided.

Ever since Lucius had told him that there were no signs of meddling, that just possibly his blackouts were a symptom of mental illnesses he’d had for quite some time Ed had secluded himself to the guest bedroom that Oswald dubbed as his from day one. As far as Oswald had noticed he hadn’t eaten, all the food rations were still in the kitchen, perfectly untouched. He remembered when Isabella had died, how Ed had just lay on the chase lounge listening to opera music, staring off at nothing. A time long before that he’d gotten distant and quiet back when Oswald had been staying with him, it had happened after a late night phone call, he’d never disclosed to Oswald who the caller was or what had been said to trigger his sudden drop in mood. It bothered him to see him this way; he was more so accustomed to yelling, screaming, and crying when one was upset. He never knew exactly how to deal with Ed when he got this way.

“You need to eat something.” He said when he got no response from the other man.

Oswald entered the bedroom quietly closing the door behind him. He grabbed a chair from the corner of the room moving it to the side of the bed so he could sit and properly face his friend, to see if he was even awake though he knew he was. 

Ed was curled up under the comforter, staring blankly ahead. He tended to grow catatonic in these moods as if he were completely unable to really respond or handle his own emotions. Oswald knew he had to be upset, maybe even scared; he wanted so badly to try and understand exactly what it had to feel like having little to no control over yourself.

“I know that…..I know you’re upset, I know that you were hoping to find out what’s happening to you, and that all of this isn’t what you wanted.”

Ed closed his eyes letting out a sigh. “I wanted to leave before the bridges were blown up. I told Lee I wanted to take her and get her out of here, even when I was a little kid I felt something was wrong with this place like something in the air or the water infected us and rotted us until we turn into monsters….I knew if we got out of here, far away from here then we’d be okay. I didn’t even care that she doesn’t love me back, if we left and she went her own way I didn’t care…..I just wanted us to leave but she wouldn’t…..We died here because she felt it’s what we deserved, that this is where we belong….Maybe she was right.”

Oswald remained silent, he swallowed hard looking away. He knew there was truth in his words. He’d had plenty of chances through his life to leave Gotham and never return, but he’d came back time and time again. In his youth because he didn’t want to leave his mother all alone but over time he realized that was just a bonus reason, the reason he told himself to make him feel normal, rational even. In truth it was something in the city, some addiction to the potential of ruling this place that didn’t function like any other part of the country. 

“What did you want to do, with your life I mean?” Oswald asked at last filling the silence that was quickly settling over them again.

Ed finally looked at him, his eyes looked bright and less vacant than they had a minute ago, it was a good step of progress.

“I wanted to be a cop at first but I didn’t exactly match the physical requirements and until recent years I was honestly terrible with handling a gun.”

Oswald laughed, “I remember, I was the one who taught you how to actually shoot. I haven’t the slightest clue what you were doing.”

Ed smiled, “I forever appreciate your teaching even if you tend to have a slight temper.” He said as he pulled himself into a sitting position.

“I try to be patient, I’m not as bad as I used to be….Having Martin around helped with that a lot.”

“I’m still unclear about why you took such an interest in that kid.”

“You met him, he’s very bright….I’m sure he’s going to do great things when he gets older.” Oswald said smiling softly, he hoped that Martin was doing well.

“He’s safe away from here, he definitely has a shot.”

“You don’t have to give me a lot of detail but where did you take him?”

“My aunt and uncle’s farm, they live far from the city. My aunt left Gotham the second she turned twenty-one, she couldn’t stand all the noise and the crime. She’s quite a wonderful woman, I just explained to her that I was doing a favor for a friend and needed her to look after Martin for awhile.”

“Thank you….Truly I appreciate that you did that. Do you, do you think if this all blows over someday that we could go out and see him?”

He knew perhaps it was a bad idea, he worried that Martin would be angry at him for sending him away. He worried he would want to come back to Gotham with him, he worried that he’d cave and bring him back to this place.

“We can, I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to see you again.” Ed paused then laughed. “My aunt will be happy to meet you, when I told her the least complicated version of the situation she started to get the idea you’re my boyfriend.”

Oswald blushed, “What gave her that idea?”

Ed fidgeted with his fingers, “I may possibly have in the past talked to her….about you. I tell her almost everything.” He smiled to himself ceasing his fidgeting. “She was the only person in my family who was supportive when I came out as transgender, she told me she loved me no matter what. She even helped me pay for my shots until I was able to afford them on my own.” 

“it’s good that you had her support….I think this is the first time you’ve ever talked about your family….God all I’ve ever done is tell you about mine, I feel bad I’ve never given you the chance to talk about yours.”

Ed shrugged, “Trust me outside of her my family isn’t all that great, rather terrible actually. I might have envied that your parents were so loving and supportive, I don’t even know what it feels like to have that.” He confessed.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It’s fine….I feel, I feel like considering circumstances of the city right now that I should be honest with you.” He paused looking down at his lap. “I….I can’t say I regret how upset I got when I found out that you killed Isabella. It scared me, I trusted you so much, and when you did that it felt-“ He paused again furrowing his brow as if he wasn’t sure how to word what he wanted to say or possibly too nervous to get the words out. “It felt like the person I-I loved just saw me as property.” He managed out, his voice shaky. 

Oswald tensed, “What are you saying?”

“I love you, I still hate you a little bit and maybe I always will, but I love you.” He laughed nervously. “I know it’s insane and the things that I did to you, the things that I’ve said to you….But I love you.” 

Tears stung his eyes, he took a deep breath willing himself not to break. They were words he’d wanted to hear for months, for two years now. Words he’d screamed at Ed as they stood in the freezing rain at the end of the docks. Now he was finally hearing them said in return, he wanted desperately to keep his resolve and to tell him he didn’t love him anymore, to tell him it was far too late for such things. 

Tears slipped down his cheeks, his breath shaky and heart pounding in his chest. He found himself soon on the bed with his arms wrapped around Ed’s waist hugging him tightly, face hidden against his shoulder. Ed hugged him back, he rubbed a hand along his back keeping his friend close against him.

“I love you too.” He whispered against his shoulder.

He felt as if he should repeat those words, he felt as if they lost their meaning such a long time ago, but there was such a heavy weight to them. He knew Ed was right, with the way things were now it was possible things could go badly, that they could lose every chance at awkward conversation and passive statements. He pulled back to look at him feeling nearly embarrassed by his crying.

Ed placed a hand against his cheek brushing away his tears with the pad of his thumb. “I want to try to be more helpful to you, I sort of do miss being your right hand.” 

“I miss it too, Mr. Penn is rather dreadful as a right-hand man. He runs the second there’s gun fire.”

“I thought you were going to kill him?”

Oswald shrugged, “If you haven’t noticed I don’t kill every person I threaten to kill.” 

“I’m admittedly a bit glad about that, still not thrilled that you froze me though.” 

“It wasn’t that bad, I made sure to give a wonderful backstory about why I froze you.”

Ed laughed, “Oh I’m sure it was wonderful.” 

“Want to know something embarrassing? I used to talk to you all the time when you were frozen, it made me feel more at ease.”

“That’s almost sweet in a very crazy way.” Ed replied smiling softly.

“You know how sentimental I can be.”

“I do….I’ve always liked that about you.” He whispered as he stroked his fingers along his cheek and down along his jaw.

Oswald placed a hand against the back of his neck, he could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he leaned in gently kissing him. There was a lingering fear of rejection, of being pushed away or laughed at, but instead Ed kissed him back. He wrapped an arm around Oswald’s waist pulling him closer against him as they kissed, Oswald found himself petting his fingers through soft dark hair he secretly loved. He smiled against his lips when Ed moved to lay him back against the bed settling on his lap. 

“Admittedly I’ve fantasized about scenarios like this, but never quite imagined it happening.” Oswald confessed looking up at him.

“I know it could be much more romantic, perhaps happen a lot sooner. I really wish I could change the way things went with us.”

They both knew dwelling and regret were useless, so many what ifs lingered though.

“We have now…..Live in the moment sort of thing I suppose. God knows if any of us will come out of this alive, I kind of prefer doing and saying the things I need to just in case.” 

Ed kissed him again, “Good idea…..So what was it you wanted to do with your life?”

Oswald hummed as he pet his fingers through Ed’s hair. “I wanted to start my own tech business, I used to love making devices, always felt I could invent something great some day.”

He still remembered being so determined until he realized his teachers took no interests in him due to where he lived, by sixteen he’d been plucked off the streets by Fish Mooney and molded into her umbrella boy, after that he’d lost all drive to really be something else.

Maybe this was Hell, a place the innocent were punished for sins of parents and grandparents long past, but at least in the moment they could find peace and contentment in Hell.


	13. Chapter 13

Oswald woke to the feeling of a hot wet tongue swiping across his face, he groaned as he blindly reached out to push the dog’s face away. He opened his eyes to see the dog settled on his chest staring down at him, tail wagging eagerly. Ed laughed reaching over to pet the dog’s head.

“You could have not let him lick my face.” He complained watching as Ed picked Edward up and settled him in the space between them on the bed.

Ed shrugged, focus mostly on the dog. “I could have, but he wanted to say hello and I was getting bored waiting for you to wake up.” 

“You could have found a million better ways to wake me up you know.” He said stroking his fingers along Ed’s jaw drawing the other man’s attention. Ed smiled as he looked at him. 

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Oswald continued idly stroking his fingertips along his partner’s jaw and down along his neck. “I was thinking that perhaps you could accompany me, there’s a gang on the East side that has supplies I could use. I think it’d be more fun if you were with me.”

He wondered if it would be better if Ed went with him, it would make him distracted giving him less time to fixate on his recent black outs and his erratic loss of time. As far as Oswald knew Ed had remained in bed with him all night, he was still in his tank top and boxers, there were no signs that he’d gotten up through the night and snuck out. Perhaps it all stemmed from stress, they were after all considered the most dangerous city in the USA and currently abandoned by the government for the foreseeable future. It was a situation that could most certainly stress one out.

Ed smiled at the offer, “Really, I thought you only took your thugs and Mr. Penn with you.”

Oswald rolled his eyes, “Low level security is expendable…. So is Mr. Penn now that I think about it.” He mused.

If it hadn’t been the meek man’s babbling and pitiful crying the day after everything went to absolute shit then Oswald would have just put a bullet in his brain, but there was something about killing somebody that weak willed that felt more like a mercy killing than a victory. Besides Sofia Falcone was presumed dead or at least currently missing, a matter in which Oswald still needed to look into. Oswald knew Mr. Penn was too pathetic to actively go against him and betray him so the man earned his job back. Though now that Ed was getting better and no longer angry it was possible, he could just let the old man go.

Ed kissed him interrupting his thoughts, Oswald placed a hand against the back of his neck pulling him closer, the sudden movement disrupting Edward’s rest causing the dog to get up and go to the foot of the bed. Ed moved closer pressing himself close against Oswald, hand resting on his hip.

“Does this make us partners again?” Ed inquired nuzzling against his neck.

Oswald chuckled, “Partners, friends….Lovers. It means that I trust you, nobody else.”

Ed pressed a gentle kiss against his neck before pulling back to look at him. “I trust you too, most of the time.” He replied smiling.

“Fair enough.” Oswald said smirking.

It was a good start.


End file.
